A Fish Called Selma
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
Life on the Fast Lane
You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. I stand by my racial slur. Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?
- Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
- Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
- They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day.
The Last Temptation of Homer
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
Homer the Great
What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!
- Ahoy hoy?
- I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
Natural Born Kissers
He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.